It is not your fault!!!

We live in a Society that has learned to blame in an attempt to get rid of frustrations. Since Covid, the environment became more aggressive, and one person pushes its pain to another, without knowing it. And we are hurt.

We live in a Society that has not allowed emotions to be shown as we need to be “politically correct”. It makes me sad because some people believe there is something wrong with them. If you keep your emotions for yourself, and you do what it is expected, you are a good boy or a good girl.

And time goes by, and you have never learned or been allowed to disagree, to show your pain, to ask for help, to be vulnerable. 

And as time still passes, you need to “cope” somehow. Then is what the government and marketing puts in your face: crappy food that will give you instant gratification therefore erases your frustrations for a few minutes. And many other coping

And as time goes by, you are blamed for all your imperfections that make you a beautiful person, you are putting yourself down, and quitting your dreams.

Whether you are a teenager or an adult, you are struggling with your emotions, feeling that it is your fault, and something is wrong with you.

I can promise you, it is not your fault, you just need to learn to connect with your emotions, the real ones, and be yourself.

Gisele

Eric Roth very wisely once wrote:

It is okay to say I can’t…

Good morning to all!!! Apparently, it took me a long time to understand that the way we are is the right way to be. However, when we are experiencing all this pressure with the current “unprecedented times” it is hard to say “I can’t” or ”do not want to” do something because we feel that it is the only road or choice we have. What a sad feeling…

For a long time, and even today, if we have a physical (or emotional (?) or financial (?) “limitations”, it is considered a disability that in the past was hidden from society, and now to be politically correct it is socially accepted. I still believe people are not being fully honest regarding their limitations. Not because they don’t want to but more so because they are fearing the consequences of their honesty (or transparency?). What a sad feeling…

Today, we are surrounded by a complicated situation due to this “unprecedented times”: changes in rules all the time; uncertainty; everything became virtual and online; too many people are angry or who knows what.

If we don’t fit what? Can I say I can’t?

What is happening with our vulnerability?

What is going to happen with our privacy/ personal information?

When all this is going to stop so we can feel we have some ownership over our own life and freedom?

I told one of my coworkers: “make it yours” …[journey]

I told a person scared in a store: the only way to find your safety is to make your own [choices] or your own rules. We can’t just follow rules that the moment they are becoming “official” they have already changed. Humans, same as animals, cannot live like this because we have our own individual needs… physical, emotional and social needs that are unique to each one of us!!!

Each store has his own rules now, and they also change them daily…

I really hope each one of you are making your own way, not the store way, not someone else decision, but your own.

I can understand that we can buy, in a rush moment, a Tim’s coffee that will fit millions of consumers, but I hope that when you are making your own coffee at home you have your own amount of sugar, your own amount of cream, in the cup that will bring you joy, feeling that this is your way, same as it is your unique day within your unique journey.

You are not a small medium or large choice,

You are not a fit in box,

You are a person that deserves your freedom of feelings and emotions…
and that… belongs to you… it is yours, within your own rules…

August 27, 2020

Gisele Hauser RSW. MSW.

The right of being You !!

Too many times we feel that we should be different than how we are;  that if we would be like “so and so” we would be stronger; if we would be slimmer, our problems would be solved and the person we love would love us. It is a life journey to understand and to acknowledge that the way we are it is actually the way we should be.

That being said, it doesn’t make it easier now to know it is okay. If I fear facing my boss, knowing that I don’t like conflicts (and that is okay) will not make that situation easier. However, it will give me the peace of mind to breath, to rest, and also to accept my own limitations, and maybe the problem will go away just by reducing the pressure to try to be the person I am not. It is socially okay to say that I can’t eat Gluten because I am sensitive, but I can’t that I can’t face conflicts because I am sensitive. Interesting.

I can’t say that I need a hug, but I can say that I am hungry.

We need to revisit the concepts where we assume that the world expects something different from us. Actually, it is ourselves expecting something different from ourselves that gets in the way.

However, what I have learned working with so many clients with low self-esteem, is  that you can’t  “learn” to love yourself overnight. It is not true that you can suddenly like yourself. The way we perceive ourselves is the way we have “been” perceived as a child, and the remaining of the journey. It is not an innocent look; it is a loving-or-not look. The way you are “seen” -if you have been seen- is how you are going to perceive yourself. Therefore, for those perceptions to shift towards a more positive feeling, we need to be “seen” again. Freud speaks about “experiencing”, about “imprint”.

You need to recreate a new experience about yourself… and that is when the new journey starts to shift.

If people like you they way you are, you will actually enjoy the way you are.

So, stop finding people that dislikes you, and go after those that will value you, and love you for yourself, not for how you are or what you do. I know, it is a very cliché statement. However, it is a fact, and many psychologists have tried to explain it in different ways.

I can promise you two things: you will change the way you perceive yourself, and it will be the most difficult journey for you as it is easier to find negative things about ourselves, than actually to like ourselves.

Enjoy your journey!!

Gisele

The courage to say no to pain

Life can be a painful journey for some of us, sometimes. I learned with my clients that we don’t learn from our mistakes as we tell kids over and over. We learn from positive and confident experiences. Sigmund Freud would speak about “experiencing”, a “path”, a “foot print”. This is all you need to know to believe that you can say goodbye to your emotional anxiety, depression, trauma, fear, insomnia, you name it…

Clients blame themselves to make the same mistakes over and over again in their relationships, at work, as if they are carrying a destiny of bad choices. Actually no. Sigmund Freud would say that we repeat until someone provides a meaning to our pain, to the message we are communicating, until we are perceived, seen.

Psychoanalysis is not a long-term therapy as misconceptions tend to describe it. Psychoanalysis is a therapeutic approach, a research method and a theoretical framework to understand and produce effective interventions for your symptoms to vanish.

I don’t force you to deal and face your fears, we don’t need to talk about your traumatic experiences. My clients and I engage in a therapeutic alliance to get to know themselves, to become friends with their real me; to understand and honor their pain, their “mistakes” ; their “bad choices”; their “dependencies”; their guilt; and together we embrace the journey of “respect”; “self- worth”; and freedom from….towards free will.

Together we create a treatment plan according to your choices and options. Together you regain ownership of your life. Together you heal towards a life you can be proud of, with a smile in your face because you have finally met the real person you are.

Together you will cry, and you will also laugh.